Discussing saving with your spouse

Frugal Pinoy reader Allan G sent in this question as a response to my previous article on saving:

Hi there! I have never been a big spender. I earn well and I have always had. Before I got married, 80% of my money I used to help family and relatives. I was not able to save much except buy a plot of land in Cavite. Now I am married. I am still not a big spender. But my wife is. We continue to help our families the best way we can. When I talk to my wife about saving money she gets mad at me. She says I don’t earn enough so we can’t afford to save. I wonder how I can make her rethink her ways. Any suggestions?

Talking about money with one’s spouse can be a tricky subject.  Money, after all, is the number one reason why couples fight.  I’ve avoided this by talking to my partner about money extensively before we started living together.  It also helps that we have the same values when it comes to money.  But not everyone is that lucky.

There are many things you need to consider when it comes to a situation like this.  Does your spouse have her own income?  What does she spend on the most?  What is her idea of “earning enough”?  Also, is the help you offer your families really necessary? (I’ve discussed in the past how giving financial help to family shouldn’t be automatic.)

Manage your expectations.  First, you need to understand that things might not go 100% your way in the end.  Marriage requires compromise and adjustments - you need to find somewhere the two of you can meet halfway.  Know that if any change will take place, it won’t happen all at once.  Changing one’s financial behavior takes time, and this is something your spouse has to do herself - it’s not something you can force.

Be careful with your words.  It’s important to remember that the health of your relationship always comes first, so make sure you don’t talk about money when you’re angry.  Whenever you discuss money, it’s important to do it when both of you are rational and in a good mood.  Also, be careful of wording your money problems in such a way that looks as if you’re blaming your partner.  Choose “we” and “us” instead of “you”.

Learn more about her financial values.  As I said earlier, it helps to know her standards about income that’s enough for you.  Note that you think you earn well, while she thinks your earnings aren’t enough.  What is her idea of sufficient income?  What are her financial dreams? How does she define “a good life”?  Ask her these questions so you’ll be able to see things from her perspective, as well as have a starting point for your future discussions.

Make it exciting.  As Adie pointed out in the comments, it helps to start saving for something that excites her.  Ask her where she’d want to spend your vacation this summer, then tell her that this is possible and you want to save up for it so you can give her the vacation she wants.  Or, it doesn’t have to be a vacation, it could be an item she wants, a seminar or workshop she’d like to attend, or an experience she has yet to try.

Be sure to follow this up with a discussion on “Kaya naman pala natin mag-save ng kahit kaunti each month.  Why don’t we do it for the long run?”

Consider additional income.  If your wife really doesn’t think that you make enough money (even if you do), you can both discuss ways to add to your income.   If she doesn’t have any income, ask her if there’s a business venture or work-from-home opportunity she’d like to try. You can also ask her if the two of you can start investing.  By opening up the discussion on one aspect of your finances (income), it’s possible you’ll be able to talk about other aspects (such as saving) more freely.

Talk about success stories.  If you have any friends, especially couples, who have financial success stories, tell your wife about it.  Pick those stories that come from something similar to your own income bracket, family size, and lifestyle - it doesn’t make sense to discuss the success of the Ayalas if you’re a regular middle-class family.  Your wife should know that financial success and saving is possible from your income bracket (or even from those who earn less than you do).

Discuss money in several short talks, instead of one big discussion.  This is especially important inf your spouse is really sensitive about the issue.  Keep your conversations light and short so she won’t feel that you are pressuring her too much.

If you want to read more articles on how to talk to your spouse about money, you can start with these three:

• 6 Ways to Follow Up that Big Financial Talk With Your Spouse @ TheSimpleDollar
• How to stop fighting with your spouse about money @ GetRichSlowly
• Getting Your Spouse to Save @ CNN Money

I hope I was able to help!  Thank you to the other readers who chimed in, gave their own advice, and talked about their experiences with saving.

Do you have any personal finance or online moneymaking questions? If so, kindly click here for the contact form, type in your question, and I’ll answer it here at FrugalPinoy.

Photo Credit: Image from Jasper Greek Golangco  from stock.xchng

5 Ways to Make Saving Less Painful

Saving comes easy for some, but it’s an impossible task for others.  When I ask some friends about their savings, they sometimes cringe or tell me “I don’t want to think about that!” as if I asked them about a life-threatening disease.

The act of saving doesn’t have to be difficult or painful.  If done right, saving can be a wonderful thing you can look forward to each month.  A few years ago, I didn’t really take saving seriously, but after implementing some techniques, it’s something I now look forward to with each paycheck.

So how can we make saving easier to do?

Automate it.  Most banks will allow you to automate your payroll account to deposit monthly to a savings account.  Check with your bank to see if you can do this with your payroll account.  Saving can be much easier if you don’t have to remind yourself to do it regularly.

Focus on the benefits.  I’m currently saving up to buy a house within the next 2 years.  Of course, the way to motivate myself is to think about that house, which I’ll consider as my sanctuary.  I also think of the pride of home ownership and the beauty of living in the province.  This makes me wants to say “Yes! I absolutely want to put money into that dream every month!”

However, other types of savings such as for an emergency fund or a retirement fund tend to be harder.  Maybe because their purpose and benefits still seem  a bit abstract.  For these types of savings that you aren’t particularly fond of, focus on the feeling of security you’ll have when these savings are in order.  From my experience, it feels great not to worry about losing my job or getting sick because I know my emergency fund is there to catch me when financial problems arise.  Plus, I just feel so free not being pressured to work super hard.  That feeling of freedom and security, I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Have a mantra.  During tough financial times where I was forced to live paycheck to paycheck, I used to have a mantra that I would recite in my head every time I was tempted to spend on something frivolous.  My mantra was “Every time I spend on a short term want, I give up a part of a long term dream.”  

Get visual.  It’s also more encouraging to save if you can actually see what’s going to happen when you accomplish your saving goals. For example, if you really want to save up for a trip to Paris, you can cut up pictures of France from a magazine and place them in an area you’ll look at regularly - whether it’s on your office desk or by your bed.

Note: The visualization doesn’t work for everybody, especially those who forget that action is needed to make things happen.  Some get stuck in the visualization without doing anything about it.  In those cases, it’s not visualization - it’s mere daydreaming.

Reward yourself.  Break down your savings goals into milestones and have a reward for each milestone you reach.  For example, if you want to save P100,000 in your emergency fund, you can reward yourself for every P5,000 or P10,000 you successfully stash away for it.

Rewards are important because you won’t feel too bogged down or tired, thinking that all you do with your money is save it.  Without rewards, it’s easier to fall back on old spending habits when you get too tired of saving.

How much do you save each month?  What do you do to make it easier for yourself?

‘Staycation’ as the frugal alternative to a vacation

Staycation is the new buzzword, probably because of the rising cost of gas.  Generally, it means staying in your own home or in your own hometown during a vacation instead of going far away.  What can you do during a staycation?

Take a photo walk.  If you’re into photography, you’d be surprised how many photo opportunities there are in your neighborhood.  For example, here are some thumbnails of photos taken by my partner in our subdivision:

 

Just go around armed with a camera and explore the area and look at it with a fresh perspective.  You can easily turn the regular, mundane things you see into something extraordinary.

Eat someplace new.  Whether it’s a new turo-turo place in your area or a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, there’s probably some place in your hometown where you haven’t eaten yet.  I have yet to explore all the restaurants and eateries in Marikina. Doing this instead of an out of town vacation will prove to be interesting and it will introduce you to new nearby favorites.

Make a great home-cooked meal.  Nothing beats a delicious gourmet meal you make yourself.  If you have some free time and you want to learn to cook new dishes, use your staycation as an opportunity to do this.

My favorite site for recipes is AllRecipes, especially since users are allowed to rate or comment on the recipes.  Here are some great, simple dishes you can try:

• Scott Ure’s Clams and Garlic
• Hot n’ Spicy Spareribs
  
• Marinated Grilled Shrimp
• Lemon Garlic Tilapia
• Spinach Tomato Linguine

You can also go to  SuperCook to find recipes for ingredients that you already have at home.

Visit the local parks, museums, and galleries.  Most cities in the Philippines have museums, art galleries, and parks.  To enjoy them, we just need to know where they are and what they have to offer.

If you want more ideas on what to do during your staycation, I recommend taking a look at these other articles:

• 5 Tips for a green staycation
•  List of staycation suggestions
• 7 Tips for a fantastic and frugal staycation

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